Confinement, Drugs, Drugs and More Drugs
I was unexpectedly admitted to a cell-like roomin the Gilbert Bain Hospital in Lerwick, with nurses who weren’t very friendly or sympathetic. It was the first time I had ever been in hospital. I was very depressed when I entered, but I was infinitely worse when I left - utterly despairing and barely able to function physically or mentally.
Now that I have seen my notes I see that I was diagnosed as having ‘psychotic depression with nihilistic delusions.’ I was never psychotic, and it is astounding that they thought that someone who had recently been told that they had incurable cancer had nihilistic delusions. The reason for my temporary blindness and blurred vision was never investigated and was treated as if it was psychosis. I have bilateral glaucoma, and now have almost no sight in my left eye.
I was even more astounded when I found out about the drugs that I was made to take. I had never taken any psychiatric drugs before, and before the cancer diagnosis hadn’t been to a doctor for over 35 years.
Now that I have seen my notes I know that on the evening of my admission I was started on Olanzapine, an anti psychotic usually used for treating schizophrenia. It can be used with Prozac for depression, but only as a last resort after trials of 2 different antidepressants have failed, as it has some nasty effects and side effects. They used it on me as a first treatment and trebled the dose to close to the maximum in 2 days, which was grossly irresponsible. I now know that Dr Marlies Jensen, the consultant psychiatrist, did this. Why? They also gave me Sertraline, an antidepressant, and trebled the dose within 2.5 days instead of gradually increasing it over a period of weeks, as is recommended. They also gave me Zopiclone for sleeping and regular Diazepam. On the morning of departure to Aberdeen on the Tuesday they gave me Lorazepam, with additional doses prescribed in case I became anxious. A particularly sadistic nurse whose face I remember clearly pushed all the tablets down my throat before we set off while laughing at me. I was completely off my head by the time I left Lerwick and my notes record that I was hallucinating at Aberdeen airport.
The Royal Cornhill Hospital, Aberdeen
By the time I arrived in the Royal Cornhill Hospital I was in a terrible state, mentally and physically. No one told me that I was being given high doses of an antidepressant and an antipsychotic. I was also in the early stages of androgen deprivation therapy. I was confined by myself in a side room and had no way of contacting anyone and none of the physical and mental stimulations that I had in my normal life. I have now seen my notes and Dr Hannah Badial’s response to my negativity was to increase Sertraline to the maximum dose and Olanzapinne to close to the maximum dose. On the 7th December she added Mirtazapine to the cocktail of drugs.
On 8th December she describes my ‘Utterly nihilistic delusions’ and notes ‘Contact ECT and make a referral’. This was 11 days after my first ever drug treatment and in my view it is malpractice to even consider Electroconvulsive Therapy at this stage and to ignore the likelihood that the drugs and involuntary incarceration were making my condition worse. It seems that doctors at the Royal Cornhill Hospital ignore guidance that states that ECT should only be used as a last resort treatment, and always with the consent of the patient.
On 9th December Dr Hannah Badial filled in the second opinion request form (below) and said that I had been unwell for around 6 months when I had been unwell for a little over 2 months, said that I wasn’t eating and drinking or taking medication, which was untrue, said that I had nihilistic delusions, and said that my depression had psychotic features. Nowhere did it say that I had been treated with drugs for less than a fortnight at this stage.
It seems that ECT was delayed because of difficulty in finding the Designated Medical Practitioner legally required to give a second opinion before it can be authorised. From my notes it seems that my condition was improving by 20th December. On 21st December it was noted that I had gained 2kg in weight, and on 22nd December it was recorded that I had attended all meals in the dining room and had spent time in the day room watching TV. But my notes also show that despite my improving condition they were determined to go ahead with the ECT anyway. I was completely oblivious to what the cruel bastards were about to do to me.